Social anxiety is difficult to describe. Cancelling events at the last minute and feeling like your head is out of water. People think that anxiety is just being nervous, but it goes deeper than that. It’s thinking people are looking at you - feeling like your an embarrassment to your family and friends , to those around you. I feel a constant failure and unable to go to events, encase I can’t escape. It’s the questions I don’t like or the judgements .
I mean sure my life hasn’t turned out the way I would of liked too. I feel like I mess things to due to my mental health and i feel both anxious and nervous at lockdown easing. The family meals and the questions they ask, having to feel at peace and ease when truly your insides are turning .
Sure I do open mics and other things that make me seem confident. But Even things such as going to the dentist for a extraction made me really anxious and I felt really physically sick at the thought of it. Although when it came down to it it was not so bad. This is what anxiety and over thinking does. It makes smaller things into much bigger things in your head and I have tried mindfulness strategies and meditation to help myself and to feel calmer.
Having anxiety is no fun, even meeting a new partners family can cause me immense anxiety and I spend my time afterwards wondering if they liked me or not and will they want to see me again. Highlighting this awareness is important to me and I think that it should be for others also. Especially with lockdown easing we need to be gentle and kind with ourselves and try to relax where possible .
Samantha Mansi 26.4.2021